Ask meaningful questions to deepen your connection

You and your partner have been together for a while now, and things have been breezy and fun. You feel good… really good, actually. But for the past few weeks, you’ve been wondering: Is this the right person for me? Someone I can build a life with? Maybe you’re also trying to find ways to know if both of you are truly compatible on the deeper levels—things that matter in the long run.

If you’re finding yourself in this situation, you’re in one of the most significant phases of any romantic relationship—the time when casual dating transforms into something more serious, something more intentional. It’s when you move beyond the initial excitement and the “honeymoon phase” and start asking the bigger questions: Do we really share the same values? Are we working toward the same future? Can I trust this person with my whole heart?

Dr. John Gottman’s research found that successful couples have a strong friendship as the foundation of their relationship. They respond to their partner’s “bids for connection” frequently. In addition, they know how to manage difficult situations without hurting each other, and when they do fight, they make immediate attempts at repair.

So does the relationship you are in have these qualities or have the potential to? Asking your partner questions will reveal the answer to you.

Moreover, curiosity plays a key role in long-term relationships, so continuing to ask each other thoughtful questions keeps the spark alive.

Here are some questions to consider: 

• What’s a dream you’ve had since childhood that you still think about?
• What does financial security mean to you?
• What causes or issues do you feel passionate about?
• What does trust mean to you in a relationship?
• What’s a fear you have about relationships in general?
• How do you process emotions when you’re upset?
• What’s one thing you wish people understood better about you?
• What’s the most important lesson life has taught you so far?
• What role does personal development play in your life?
• What makes you feel most alive and authentic?
• How do you define success for yourself?
• What does spirituality or deeper purpose mean to you?
• What’s something you’re working on improving about yourself?
• How do you feel most loved and appreciated?
• What kind of physical affection feels most natural to you?
• What helps you feel most supported during stressful times?
• What helps you calm down when you’re angry or frustrated?
• How do you want to handle disagreements about important decisions?
• How do you want a partner to support you during your worst times?
• What’s something that would help you feel more understood in a relationship?

So, start this week with just one question that genuinely piques your interest. Ask something that tells you more about your partner’s inner world. Approach them with authentic curiosity and see how things go. And later, notice how it feels to be truly seen and heard in return.

You’re taking your relationship to the next level, so trust yourself to ask the questions that matter. Explore each other’s thinking patterns, and trust your instincts about what you discover. And remember that the right person for you will not object, but rather welcome your inquisitiveness about who they really are.

Because you are working with your partner to solidify the relationship and deepen emotional intimacy, take your sweet time. Be honest and vulnerable. Ask important questions, and you will soon figure out if your relationship truly has long-term potential.