how to expand your thinking: employing the wisdom of distant guides
The ancient Stoics understood a profound truth: we become who we admire. Marcus Aurelius filled his Meditations with reflections on the virtues of those who came before him, drawing strength from their examples when facing the pressures of empire. This practice mirrors what modern wisdom calls "flexi mentors"—inspiring figures who expand our thinking precisely when emotions threaten to narrow it (a concept introduced by Poppie Jamie).
When anxiety grips us or anger clouds our judgment, we often lose access to our clearest thinking. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught that we cannot control external events, only our responses to them. Flexi mentors serve as bridges to this rational response, offering us a momentary escape from the prison of our immediate emotional reactions.
The beauty of this technique lies in its accessibility. Your flexi mentor might be a historical figure like Eleanor Roosevelt, a fictional character like Atticus Finch, or a contemporary leader whose composure you admire. The relationship exists entirely in your mind, yet its power is real. When overwhelmed, asking "What would they do?" creates psychological distance from your immediate distress.
This distancing effect allows what the Stoics called prosoche—a stepping back to gain perspective. Instead of being swept away by the initial emotional flood, you access the wisdom and confidence that these figures represent. You're not mimicking their actions but channeling their mindset—their ability to remain grounded when circumstances grow turbulent.
Marcus regularly reminded himself of his philosophical heroes, using their examples to maintain equanimity amid the chaos of leadership. Similarly, flexi mentors help us stretch beyond our habitual patterns of thinking, especially when stress would otherwise compress our options into fight, flight, or freeze.
This practice transforms challenging moments from reactive experiences into opportunities for growth. By invoking the calm confidence of someone we admire, we remind ourselves that composed, thoughtful responses are possible even in difficult circumstances. The flexi mentor becomes a pathway back to our own wisdom—not because they solve our problems, but because they help us remember we are capable of solving them ourselves.
In this way, distant guides become intimate allies in the most practical philosophy of all: living well under pressure.
